Identity Crisis
by AngelWingsAndSatansPitchfork
Summary: Ever wondered just who Tobi really is? Turns out, Tobi's been wondering that himself...
1. Who am I again?

**#1 – Who am I again?**

"Shall we have a little chat, Uzumaki Naruto?"

Naruto's blue eyes opened in surprise and he turned to face the owner of the deep voice. Tobi sat before him on the window sill, his masked head resting comfortably in his gloved palm. Naruto reacted quickly, forming a shadow clone and throwing a rasengan at the masked man. Tobi dodged with ease.

"A rasengan, eh?" he questioned, slightly amused. "You should know that won't work on me!" Something swirled around Tobi's body, surprising him. The object hardened, forming into wood, successfully binding his limbs to his body. With a poof of smoke, Kakashi appeared next to him, sharigan activated and a chidori at the ready. "Nice move, Hatake Kakashi. You're fast."

Naruto jumped back as a wooden cage formed in front of him, separating him from his sensei and the Akatsuki member. "Naruto, stay still!" Yamato told him, his hands placed on the ground as he kept his wooden jutsus in place.

"I won't let you get your hands on Naruto that easily," Kakashi told him, glaring at him. "Uchiha Madara!"

Madara raised an eyebrow. "You must have heard me then, right? None of your attacks will work on me, Uchiha Madara~!"

Kakashi looked at him, a little surprised. "So… You admit you're Uchiha Madara…?"

"At least, I think I am anyway…"

Naruto scrunched up his face. "You think? How can you not know your own name?" It made little sense to the blonde, that this supposed powerful guy didn't know something as simple as his own name.

"You see, there's been a lot of speculation on my identity," he explained. "Deidara thought I was the devil, while Hidan was convinced I was his God and only covered my face to test his faith. It was quite amusing for a while but got old a little too quickly."

"Long story short, you don't know who you are?" Yamato asked, confusion evident on his face.

"Precisely," Madara confirmed, nodding his head once. "Nagato and Konan knew, but the former as passed away and Konan refuses to speak to me. The little b*tch…"

"Can't you just check your birth certificate or something?" Naruto asked him, clutching the wooden cage. "Your name would be on it! Believe it!"

"That's a good idea Naruto," Yamato told him. "But he kind of needs to know his name in order to find his birth certificate in the first place…"

Kakashi nodded. "He has the sharigan, meaning he must be an Uchiha. We could just check the records of every Uchiha born the year you were. Granted, it would take a little too long but it would clear up the confusion."

"Ah! But Hatake Kakashi, you have the sharigan but aren't in anyway related to an Uchiha!" Madara pointed out.

"Touché…"

An awkward silence took over the room for a few moments. Yamato and Madara remained still, not by choice but because they couldn't move. Kakashi examined his fingernails while Naruto avoided all eye contact. "So…" Madara (?) spoke, breaking the silence. "Shall I just tell you about Uchiha Itachi and we'll forget this conversation ever happened?"

"Agreed."

* * *

**A/n: **

**A new series~! Each chapter, we'll investigate an identity that has been given to Tobi at one point or another by Narutards. This series isn't a continuation, so the chapters could happen at any point in the Naruto timeline. There'll be ten chapters, and I've already handpicked a few characters that will star as 'Tobi' for a chapter. I can't take credit for all of the theories, but a couple of them will be mine. :) Feel free to make a few suggestions on who you think Tobi could be. I mightn't use them, but I ****will**** take them into consideration. ;) **

**This chapter takes place during chapter 460 and the first part of this is actual dialogue which made by job a lot easier. :D Of course, it's been announced that Tobi IS Madara, but to me, he's just Tobi until we see underneath his mask. ;D**

**So, Enjoy~!**


	2. Exchanging Goggles for Masks

**#2 – Exchanging Goggles for Masks**

"Shall we have a little chat, Uzumaki Naruto?"

Naruto's blue eyes opened in surprise and he turned to face the owner of the deep voice. Tobi sat before him on the window sill, his masked head resting comfortably in his gloved palm. Naruto reacted quickly, forming a shadow clone and throwing a rasengan at the masked man. Tobi dodged with ease.

"A rasengan, eh?" he questioned, slightly amused. "You should know that won't work on me!" Something swirled around Tobi's body, surprising him. The object hardened, forming into wood, successfully binding his limbs to his body. With a poof of smoke, Kakashi appeared next to him, sharigan activated and a chidori at the ready. "Nice move, Hatake Kakashi. You're fast."

Naruto jumped back as a wooden cage formed in front of him, separating him from his sensei and the Akatsuki member. "Naruto, stay still!" Yamato told him, his hands placed on the ground as he kept his wooden jutsus in place.

"I won't let you get your hands on Naruto that easily," Kakashi told him, glaring at him. "Uchiha Madara!"

Tobi raised an eyebrow. "Uchiha Madara? Now Kakashi, I know it's been a long time but you're not seriously confusing me with someone who's been dead for hundreds of years, are you?" Kakashi eyed him warily, the electricity on his hand cackling. Tobi chuckled. "If you switch the 'b' and the 't' in Tobi, then switch the 'o' and the 'I' and then put another 'o' in front of all that, what do you get?"

Kakashi eyes widened in a mixture of realisation and surprise. "Obito…"

Naruto scrunched up his nose in confusion at the unfamiliar name. "Who the hell is 'Obito'?"

"I'm Kakashi's old teammate!" Obito told him, slightly hurt at the fact he hadn't known who he was. "Hasn't he ever told you about me? His _only_ friend slash rival, who saved his life, gave him the sharigan and then almost tragically died on a mission moments later?"

"Nope. Not a thing."

Obito looked at the silver-haired Jounin accusingly, who simply shrugged. "He never asked."

Yamato watched the conversation, his face impassive. When he was sure they were finished, he spoke. "So, 'Obito', why do you want to capture the tailed demons?"

Kakashi nodded, agreeing with his temporary replacement's question. "I know we didn't get on the best while we were a team, but I don't remember you ever expressing interest in them…"

Obito nodded. "I didn't. But, while I was there slowly dying, I realised I never really did anything memorable with my life, you know? And the only people who'll really remember me would be you, Rin and sensei. I promised myself that if I somehow survived, I'd do something big so that no one would forget my existence! So when that snake guy came and healed me for the sole purpose of 'taking' my body and after I escaped, I did just that."

"So… you're trying to take over the world so people would remember you?" Kakashi asked, silently questioning his former teammate's sanity.

"Exactly."

While Kakashi questioned his sanity quietly, Naruto decided to do it loud. "That's crazy! Believe it! Did a rock fall on your head or something?"

"Actually, yes, and a big one at that."

"As much as I hate to interrupt this reunion," Yamato said. "Is there any real reason you came to hunt us down?"

"To capture Naruto obviously but that didn't work out…" Obito said, smiling sheepishly beneath the orange mask. "How about I tell you why my little cousin Itachi murdered our clan instead? I still can't believe he did that quite frankly… I remember him being such a good kid…"

"Wasn't he four?"

"Such a good kid…"

* * *

**A/n: **

**A new series~! Each chapter, we'll investigate an identity that has been given to Tobi at one point or another by Narutards. This series isn't a continuation, so the chapters could happen at any point in the Naruto timeline. There'll be ten chapters, and I've already handpicked a few characters that will star as 'Tobi' for a chapter. I can't take credit for all of the theories, but a couple of them will be mine. :) Feel free to make a few suggestions on who you think Tobi could be. I mightn't use them, but I ****will**** take them into consideration. ;) **

**I did Obito this time, to get the two biggest theories out of the way. Now, there are loads of reasons as to why this theory makes sense, such as his name and appearance. But, Obito doesn't have a real motive as to why he'd want world domination. As much as many (myself included) would want this theory to be true, it doesn't really work aswell as you'd think. ;)**


	3. Empire Strikes Back

**#3 – Empire Strikes Back**

"Shall we have a little chat, Uzumaki Naruto?"

Naruto's blue eyes opened in surprise and he turned to face the owner of the deep voice. Tobi sat before him on the window sill, his masked head resting comfortably in his gloved palm. Naruto reacted quickly, forming a shadow clone and throwing a rasengan at the masked man. Tobi dodged with ease.

"A rasengan, eh?" he questioned, slightly amused. "I can't believe you can use a rasengan!" Something swirled around Tobi's body, surprising him. The object hardened, forming into wood, successfully binding his limbs to his body. With a poof of smoke, Kakashi appeared next to him, sharigan activated and a chidori at the ready. "Ah, Hatake Kakashi. Fast as always I see."

Naruto jumped back as a wooden cage formed in front of him, separating him from his sensei and the Akatsuki member. "Naruto, stay still!" Yamato told him, his hands placed on the ground as he kept his wooden jutsus in place.

"I won't let you get your hands on Naruto that easily," Kakashi told him, glaring at him. "Uchiha Madara!"

Tobi raised an eyebrow. "Uchiha Madara? Now Kakashi, I know it's been a long time but you're not seriously confusing me with someone who's been dead for hundreds of years, are you?" Kakashi eyed him warily, the electricity on his hand cackling. "If you of all people don't recognise me, what hope does little Naruto have?"

Naruto screwed up his face, looking at the masked man with confusion. "Huh?"

Tobi chuckled. "It's okay. I didn't expect you to know who I am. I did disappear the day you were born after all!" he said, a small unknown smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

Kakashi's eyes widened in realisation. "You mean, you're…" he began, trailing off at the end, his chidori fizzling away to nothing. Yamato watched confused, not having enough information to be able to decipher his former captain's reactions, or to figure out the Akatsuki leader's identity.

Tobi gave a quick nod in reply, before using his space time jutsu to pass through his wooden binds. This alarmed Yamato and he was about to capture him again, but Kakashi silently told him it not to. Tobi approached the cage where Naruto was watching him, hands balled into fists. "Now, despite what you might think, I'm no one to fear!" The blonde was about to argue with this statement, but his enemy's next words silenced him, shocked him and made his jaw hit the floor.

"Naruto… I am your father!"

Tobi's gloved hand pulled off the bright orange mask (which surprisingly the hair, now known to be a wig, was attached to) to reveal his golden locks, bright blue eyes and dazzling smile. "But I suppose you know me more as the fourth Hokage!" Minato told him.

Both Naruto and Yamato were too stunned at this revelation to speak. Kakashi, however, had a few things to say to his former teacher. "But Sensei… I don't remember you being so driven for world domination before…"

"And I don't remember you ever aspiring to be a sensei," Minato told him, looking sideways at him. "People change, Kakashi. You should know that by now. You're nothing like what I remember you to be all those years ago!"

"Well, after Obito-"

"I know," Minato told him, smiling at him. Kakashi smiled back for a moment, until Naruto interrupted the precious moment between teacher and student.

"So, DAD, if that is your real name," Naruto accused, glaring up at him, his lip pursed. "What's up with sealing a demon into your own son, huh? Sasuke's Dad wouldn't do something like that to him!"

"That's because he's dead." Minato said bluntly. "It's hard to traumatise people while you're dead. Your mother would have caused me to have a mental breakdown by now if that was true."

"I'm sorry," Yamato interrupted. "But isn't trying to achieve world domination classify as having a mental breakdown?"

"Not if the person planning it is perfectly sane."

"…Riiight…"

"Anyway~" Minato sang, changing the subject back to what he originally came here to say. "While Sasuke is gate crashing the Kage meeting, how about I tell you the story about why Itachi killed most of his clan! Doesn't that sound fun? It'll be like when I used to read you stories while you were still in your Mother's womb!"

"MOM ATE ME?" Naruto exclaimed, jumping back in horror.

Kakashi sighed. "No one gave Naruto 'the talk' yet. I heard Jiraiya-sama tried to but he refused to listen."

"I don't blame him. I remember when I he tried to give me it…" Minato said, shuddering. "I was traumatised for weeks… That's why it's best if he learns about the birds and the bees from his father."

Naruto scrunched up his face in confusion. "What have birds and bees got anything to do with Pervy sage's peeking at naked women?"

"This is going to be a looong conversation…"

* * *

**A/n:**

**A new series~! Each chapter, we'll investigate an identity that has been given to Tobi at one point or another by Narutards. This series isn't a continuation, so the chapters could happen at any point in the Naruto timeline. There'll be ten chapters, and I've already handpicked a few characters that will star as 'Tobi' for a chapter. I can't take credit for all of the theories, but a couple of them will be mine. :) Feel free to make a few suggestions on who you think Tobi could be. I mightn't use them, but I ****will**** take them into consideration. ;) **

**The title of this one refers to the star wars movie in which Darth Vader revealed himself to be Luke's father. Minato was a popular theory for Tobi's identity once upon a time. Now of course, it has been proved wrong since they were both pictured in the same panel in the latest chapters. :)**

**So, Enjoy~!**


	4. Family Guy

**#3 – Family Guy**

"Shall we have a little chat, Uzumaki Naruto?"

Naruto's blue eyes opened in surprise and he turned to face the owner of the deep voice. Tobi sat before him on the window sill, his masked head resting comfortably in his gloved palm. Naruto reacted quickly, forming a shadow clone and throwing a rasengan at the masked man. Tobi dodged with ease.

"A rasengan, eh?" he questioned, slightly amused. "You should know that won't work on me!" Something swirled around Tobi's body, surprising him. The object hardened, forming into wood, successfully binding his limbs to his body. With a poof of smoke, Kakashi appeared next to him, sharigan activated and a chidori at the ready. "Nice move, Hatake Kakashi. You're fast."

Naruto jumped back as a wooden cage formed in front of him, separating him from his sensei and the Akatsuki member. "Naruto, stay still!" Yamato told him, his hands placed on the ground as he kept his wooden jutsus in place.

"I won't let you get your hands on Naruto that easily," Kakashi told him, glaring at him. "Uchiha Madara!"

"Uchiha Madara?" Tobi exclaimed, horrified at the accusation. "I hate that guy! Why does everyone keep mistaking him for me?"

Kakashi and Yamato shared a look, as Naruto watched on in confusion. "Well," Kakashi began hesitantly. "You have the sharigan and-"

"Oh please. More non-Uchiha's have the sharingan than actual Uchihas these days!" Tobi pointed out, rolling his eyes behind his mask. "You have an eye, Sasuke has both his AND Itachi's, Danzo has an arm full of them (who totally stole that technique from me by the way), the boy who delivers the morning papers has two and a half, and-"

"Okay we get it!" Yamato interrupted him, before this rant could last a lot longer. "But that's hardly surprising, considering Sasuke is the only one left of the clan! It's not difficult to outnumber one person."

"Don't argue with me. Aren't sons supposed to agree with their fathers?"

Yamato's eyes widened at this question. "But… But I was born in a test tube!"

"Using _who's _DNA?" Tobi asked, smirking at the former ANBU's shocked expression. "That's right, Hashirama Senju, which is my real identity. And since my DNA was used to make you, that means that I am your father~!"

"Oh my God!" Naruto exclaimed. Partly because he was shocked, partly because he felt it was the right thing to say.

"I am also Tsunade, the fifth Hokage's Grandfather!"

"Oh my God!"

"Aswell as being the elder brother of the second Hokage!"

"Oh my God!"

"And I was married to the first jinchuriki to hold the Kyuubi!"

"Oh my God!"

"And I'm Naruto's great great great great Uncle twice removed!"

"Oh my-"

"So is there a reason you came here um… Dad?" Yamato asked, stopping the conversation in its tracks. Hmm… he seemed to be doing that quite a lot lately… "I'm sure there must be something else you want to tell us other than your- our family tree…"

Hashirama raised his eyebrows. "Oh yes. I'm supposed to tell you why Itachi killed his clan. I don't know why but it says I have to in the script."

Kakashi nodded. "I would do what it says. The last time someone didn't listen to Kishimoto-sama, he ended up blowing himself up."

"I feel sorry for that poor boy…" the first Hokage said, shaking his head. "All he did was ask the creator if he could make his appearance a little more masculine so less people would stop assuming he was a girl or he was gay and boom! He's dead."

"YOU'RE SUCH A BASTARD KISHI-TEME!" Naruto called out, shaking his fist at the sky, where he presumed the so-called creator was.

The other three men stared at, horrified. "Naruto…" Yamato spoke, his eyes as round saucers. "You practically committed suicide!"

Naruto crossed his arms defiantly, smirking a little. "He can't kill me! I'm the main character! Believe it!"

~~Some time Later~~

"You don't need to chase after Sasuke anymore, Naruto! Because I… I love you!"

"Aww Dammit…."

**A/n:**

**A new series~! Each chapter, we'll investigate an identity that has been given to Tobi at one point or another by Narutards. This series isn't a continuation, so the chapters could happen at any point in the Naruto timeline. There'll be ten chapters, and I've already handpicked a few characters that will star as 'Tobi' for a chapter. I can't take credit for all of the theories, but a couple of them will be mine. :) Feel free to make a few suggestions on who you think Tobi could be. I mightn't use them, but I ****will**** take them into consideration. ;) **

**This isn't what was originally supposed to happen. There was a theory that made sense about Hashirama being Tobi but I forgot where I read that so you get this… thing instead. Yay? 8D**


	5. Second the Best

**#5 – Second the Best**

"Shall we have a little chat, Uzumaki Naruto?"

Naruto's blue eyes opened in surprise and he turned to face the owner of the deep voice. Tobi sat before him on the window sill, his masked head resting comfortably in his gloved palm. Naruto reacted quickly, forming a shadow clone and throwing a rasengan at the masked man. Tobi dodged with ease.

"A rasengan, eh?" he questioned, slightly amused. "You should know that won't work on me!" Something swirled around Tobi's body, surprising him. The object hardened, forming into wood, successfully binding his limbs to his body. With a poof of smoke, Kakashi appeared next to him, sharigan activated and a chidori at the ready. "Nice move, Hatake Kakashi. You're fast."

Naruto jumped back as a wooden cage formed in front of him, separating him from his sensei and the Akatsuki member. "Naruto, stay still!" Yamato told him, his hands placed on the ground as he kept his wooden jutsus in place.

"I won't let you get your hands on Naruto that easily," Kakashi told him, glaring at him. "Uchiha Madara!"

Tobi twitched. "Again? Seriously?" he hissed through his teeth, glaring at Kakashi through his eyehole. "I am NOT Madara f*cking Uchiha! Okay? Why don't you people get that outta your heads?"

Kakashi blinked, a little taken aback from the sudden outburst. "I'm… sorry, but all the signs point to you being Madara. I mean, who else has the knowledge to space time jutsus and-"

"I'm Tobirama, the second Hokage!" the masked man declared. He would've flailed his arms if they weren't bound to his torso. "I know space time jutsus! After my water based jutsus (which are badass if I don't say so myself), it's what I'm known for!"

Kakashi shrugged. "I still think you're more likely to be Madara, what with the sharingan and all…"

Tobi sighed. "ANYONE can get the sharingan these days! I thought Hashirama already established this last time!"

"Last time?" Naruto repeated, looking at him oddly. "What are you talking about?"

"…I don't know…"

Kakashi shook his head. "You know, it's more likely for an Uchiha, like Madara, to have the sharingan than a non Uchiha, like Tobirama, to," he told him. "I still don't see how you would be the second Hokage."

Tobi groaned. "Why is it so hard to believe?" he asked them, exasperated. "Well, look at it this way. If you changed the name 'Tobi' a little to get the name of someone who existed in the past, someone who was viewed as a hero and came from a very powerful clan… what do you get?"

Kakashi's eyes widened. "Obito…?"

"Ye- Wait, NO!" Tobirama exclaimed, his eyes wide. "You get Tobirama! TOBIrama! The first half of my name is Tobi! I mean, how obvious can you get? Why can't you people that Tobi is I, Tobirama Senju! TOBIrama!"

Naruto raised his hand. "Because you're not?" Yamato nodded in agreement with his temporary student.

"But I AM Tobi!"

Kakashi sighed. "Madara, can you please stop pretending to be Tobirama and tell us why you're here?"

"I AM TOBIRAMA! Tobirama! Tobirama! TOBIrama! TOBIRAMA!"

Naruto leaned over to Yamato on his left. He covered his mouth with his hand, as if to hide the fact that he was going to speak. "You know what?" he whispered rather loudly to him. "I'm starting to think this Tobi guy might be Sakura-chan. They have the same temper!"

"OH COME ON!" Tobi called out. He took a moment to calm himself him down, before sighing. "That's it. I officially don't care anymore. Call me whatever you want. I'm just gonna start telling you about why that Uchiha kid killed his clan."

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "Really Madara? That's why you came?"

"I'M TOBIRAMA!"

**A/n:**

**A new series~! Each chapter, we'll investigate an identity that has been given to Tobi at one point or another by Narutards. This series isn't a continuation, so the chapters could happen at any point in the Naruto timeline. There'll be ten chapters, and I've already handpicked a few characters that will star as 'Tobi' for a chapter. I can't take credit for all of the theories, but a couple of them will be mine. :) Feel free to make a few suggestions on who you think Tobi could be. I mightn't use them, but I ****will**** take them into consideration. ;) **

**This was funnier in my head. -_- Anyway, ever since I read Naruto chapter 502 I think it was, and Minato announced that the second Hokage knew space time jutsus, I've been kinda thinking that this theory could be true. It most likely isn't, but you never know. Kakashi, Yamato and Naruto certainly don't believe it (pun unintended) so I don't expect any of you to. I've also realised that chapter eight and nine will be the only ones not to take place in this chapter. *sigh***


	6. Red Hot Chilli Pepper

**#6 – Red Hot Chilli Pepper**

"Shall we have a little chat, Uzumaki Naruto?"

Naruto's blue eyes opened in surprise and he turned to face the owner of the deep voice. Tobi sat before him on the window sill, his masked head resting comfortably in his gloved palm. Naruto reacted quickly, forming a shadow clone and throwing a rasengan at the masked man. Tobi dodged with ease.

"A rasengan, dattebane?" he questioned, slightly amused. "Your father used one just like it~!" Something swirled around Tobi's body, surprising him. The object hardened, forming into wood, successfully binding his limbs to his body. With a poof of smoke, Kakashi appeared next to him, sharigan activated and a chidori at the ready. "Nice move, Hatake Kakashi. You're fast."

Naruto jumped back as a wooden cage formed in front of him, separating him from his sensei and the Akatsuki member. "Naruto, stay still!" Yamato told him, his hands placed on the ground as he kept his wooden jutsus in place.

"I won't let you get your hands on Naruto that easily," Kakashi told him, glaring at him. "Uchiha Madara!"

At this accusation, Tobi used his space time jutsu to extend his arm through Yamato's wooden bindings and slap Kakashi across the face. "What's this I hear about my son being like, bullied by everyone in the village, dattebane?" Kakashi stared at him eyes wide and rubbed his face, realising Tobi's true identity.

"YOUR son…?" Naruto repeated, confused at what the Akatsuki leader meant. He stood there for a moment, doing some mental math before jumping back, once he figured it out. "YOU'RE MY FATHER?" he exclaimed, pointing at the masked figure horrified.

"Your FATHER, 'ttebane?" Tobi exclaimed, much like Naruto had done so before. He fazed through Yamato's wood bindings and marched up to the cage-like area he was behind. Putting one hand on his hip, he pointed a finger at him in a scolding manner. "I am OBVIOUSLY your _mother_!"

Naruto blinked. "My mother, dattebayo?"

"Your mother, dattebane~!"

At this revelation, Naruto and Yamato's eyes flitted down to herchest. Luckily for them, before the woman could scowl at them for doing so, Kakashi cut in. "But Kushina," he said, the chidori on his hand disappearing. "You died…"

"And then I got better~!" Kushina smiled sweetly at him behind the mask. She turned back to Naruto and placed both hands on her hips. "See honey? No matter what happens to you, it's possible to survive~! Not entirely likely, but possible~!"

Yamato and Kakashi shared a look, before the latter spoke up again. "Kushina-san? I really don't think it's possible to recover from, well, death."

"It is if you get better!" she said slowly, emphasising every single word. "Geesh Kakashi. The way Minato used to talk about you; I expected you to be like, smarter! But, obviously, I was wrong." She folded her arms.

"Yeah!" Naruto piped up, agreeing with the red head. "When Gaara died, you were there when he got better!"

Yamato nodded in agreement. "He's right, you know!" Kakashi glanced over at his replacement and gave him a questioning look, wondering how the ANBU captain could've possible known that. As if reading the last Hatake's thoughts, he replied "I read your file."

"I still say recovering from the dead is near impossible!" Kakashi said in a last ditch attempt to defend himself and the laws of science.

Kushina sighed, shaking her masked head. "How many times do I hate to tell you, dattebane? When you die, you can recover! As long as you know the right jutsu, or collect all seven dragon balls, or have a bankai, or have a devil's fruit, or if you pass through the celestial gate, but you might lose a limb if you choose that one, or-"

"So is there any particular reason you're here?" Kakashi interrupted.

Kushina blinked. "Oh yeah! I wanted to tell you a little bit about Itachi Uchiha. I remember him, and his darling little sister. I can't believe he'd kill Mikoto and Fugaku! He was always like, so obedient… Naruto, if you ever think of killing me, I'll come back again and drop kick you down the stairs, dattebane!"

Naruto gulped. "Yes ma'am…"

**A/n:**

**Don't you just love Kushina~? It makes no sense for her to be Tobi, obviously. I've just got to the point now that the rest of my could-be-Tobi's are crack. Nothing but CRACK. Someone told me it's be funny if Tobi was a girl. Now he is. 8D And for those who didn't know, when Kushina listed possible ways to come back to life, she was referring to Dragonball, bleach, One Piece and Fullmetal Alechimst respectively. Also, in one of the recent chapters she mistook Sasuke as a girl so I couldn't help the little sister quip. xD**


	7. Dude Looks Like a Lady

**#7 – Dude looks like a Lady**

"Shall we have a little chat, Uzumaki Naruto?"

Naruto's blue eyes opened in surprise and he turned to face the owner of the deep voice. Tobi sat before him on the window sill, his masked head resting comfortably in his gloved palm. Naruto reacted quickly, forming a shadow clone and throwing a rasengan at the masked man. Tobi dodged with ease.

"A rasengan, eh?" he questioned, slightly amused. "You should know that won't work on me!" Something swirled around Tobi's body, surprising him. The object hardened, forming into wood, successfully binding his limbs to his body. With a poof of smoke, Kakashi appeared next to him, sharigan activated and a chidori at the ready. "Nice move, Hatake Kakashi. You're fast."

Naruto jumped back as a wooden cage formed in front of him, separating him from his sensei and the Akatsuki member. "Naruto, stay still!" Yamato told him, his hands placed on the ground as he kept his wooden jutsus in place.

"I won't let you get your hands on Naruto that easily," Kakashi told him, glaring at him. "Uchiha Madara!"

Tobi raised an eyebrow. "Uchiha Madara? Now Kakashi, I know it's been a long time but you're not seriously confusing me with someone who's been dead for hundreds of years, are you?" Kakashi eyed him warily, the electricity on his hand cackling. "What? Don't recognise me? Although, I suppose it would be hard to when I'm wearing this God-awful mask!" Tobi's hand passed through Yamato's binding jutsu as if the wood was air and pulled off the orange mask on his- erm, her face.

"Rin…?" Kakashi said unsure, the chidori quickly dying out.

Rin smiled sweetly him, despite the circumstance of their reunion. "Yep! It's me!" she confirmed, letting out the innocent laugh the shinobi hadn't heard in years. "We haven't properly seen each other since the Uchiha Massacre, have we~?"

Kakashi's eyes widened in realisation. "You didn't…" he said with disbelief. "Were you… Were you behind the Uchiha Massacre?"

"Not behind it, per se… More like,' took the opportunity when it had come'!" she said in almost too cheerful voice.

"But why? Why kill Obito's family like that?"

"They didn't appreciate him, Kakashi, you know that. Hell, you never did either! But, unlike that clan of his, you bothered to show up at his funeral. You bothered to pay your respects. You bothered to visit the memorial as often as you did. Not a single Uchiha cared about his loss. And if they couldn't care about a lost life, then they don't deserve lives at all!"

Naruto and Yamato watched the interaction from a distance, curiosity scribbled on their faces. "Yamato-sensei? Who's she? And how does Kakashi-sensei know her?" Naruto asked the wood user, still examining the brunette.

"…I think she was his old team…" Yamato said unsure, after several seconds of thinking.

He sighed in relief. "Oh thank Kami! I thought she might be another one of his psycho ex-girlfriends…" he said, sighing. "The last one he dumped tried to kidnap me and Sakura-chan! Do you believe it?"

"Considering it was Anko, I believe that more than I believe that 'I can't believe it's not butter' butter is not butter…"

Naruto chuckled. "Try saying THAT ten times fast~!" he grinned, earning a facepalm from the temporary team leader.

Meanwhile, back on the other side of the room, Kakashi was still in disbelief over Rin. "But… Why collect the Bijou? What use could you have for them?"

Rin shrugged. "Everyone needs a hobby," she said, casually. "It's like collecting stamps but less boring and cliché!"

Kakashi stared at her for a moment, before shaking his head. "There is one more thing I don't understand…" he admitted. "You said you 'took the opportunity' to kill off the Uchiha's… How did you get that opportunity?"

Rin smiled sweetly. "I'm glad you asked~! It's actually what I came to you three to talk about. It all started with the third, you see…"

**A/n:**

**Kind of a terrible ending, I know. This one isn't the best, I know that much. *sigh* So, we never did find out what happened to Rin. It's a bit late for that mystery to be revealed in the manga now, I'm afraid. But, we can hope~! So, our next two chapters actually take part in a different part of the manga. Exciting, yes~? Also, the next one (or the one after that, depending) could be yaoi or implied yaoi. I don't know yet. It depends on how un-cliché I can manage to write the scene I have in mind (It's looking bleak). **

**This series will be finished this week, hopefully. Probably not, but, you never know. **


End file.
